Is my son being manipulated by his girlfriend?

We were instructed by a client who was worried that their son was being controlled and manipulated by his current girlfriend. To such an extent that it was heavily impacting upon their parent/son relationship, his job and other previous social networks i.e. his long-standing friends and social circle. On the numerous occasions they had tried to raise the subject and make their son aware of the damage she was causing he became defensive and refused to talk about it. After one particularly angry exchange, the girlfriend stopped their son from coming over and when they went to him she wouldn’t allow them to be alone together without her being in the room. She moved into his house, gave up her job and never left the house without their son so making any further chance of a conversation virtually impossible.

The girlfriend claimed she was an ex-army doctor who was taking time off from her medical career due to her experiences in Afghanistan. She also claimed she had been a pharmacist and she had never been married and her name was … (intentionally left blank to protect the client’s identity). Aware of the potential to permanently damage the relationship with their son we were instructed to carry out a covert investigation into the girlfriend to check her back story and bona fides.

Trust your instincts

It is absolutely OK in cases like this to trust your instincts so we took the parents concerns very seriously and instigated a full online OSINT and SOCMINT investigation. Within a couple of weeks we were able to categorically confirm she had NEVER served in the British Army, was NOT medically qualified in any way(!), nor has she attended any UK university so could NOT have previously been a qualified pharmacist (although we discovered she had worked as a counter assistant in Boots before being sacked 6 months previously). Her name was NOT … but was really … and that she had been married and divorced and had a record of mental health problems that had previously required police intervention.

In short, she was a fantasist and coercive controller who was looking to latch onto my client’s son as her life was falling apart. Their relationship was wholly based on lies and the long term damage to the wider family that would have resulted from the relationship with the son continuing would be nothing short of catastrophic.

Solid irrefutable proof

After 18 months of pain and worry my clients now FINALLY had the solid irrefutable PROOF they need to back up their concerns and have a solid conversation with their son. All they needed to do now was to get him on his own.

Cotswold Private Investigations prides itself on the long term aftercare we continue to provide clients even after the task has been completed. It’s not just professional but also the responsible thing to do so, as there are always two ways to skin a cat, we were able to help and advise on how they might get their son away from the girlfriend long enough and in a private enough environment that the father might be able to share the results of our investigation and give him the chance to read our report.

Once the son had seen for himself and read the evidence we had supplied there was no doubt to their next move. Again we were able to help and advise on how to deal with what quite possibly might have been a difficult and explosive situation. Given the delicate nature of the situation (she was living in the house, was effectively unemployed and without independent income, had a history of mental health including the potential for disturbing the peace and damage to property) our clients needed to be very careful in how they dealt with the next few days. They, of course, needed to act responsibly towards the girlfriend but things needed to change and the relationship brought to an end.

We're on hand throughout the process

Cotswold Private Investigations were on hand throughout the process and thankfully I can report that now 6 months later the … family are back to where they should be with the son able to look back with hindsight and admit he should have been able to spot the signs that thankfully his parents managed to. It’s also a relief to know that following this incident the (now ex) girlfriend was also able to access the treatment and support she needed.

Signs that your son or daughter is being manipulated by their partner

Here are a few signs to look out for if you are worried your son or daughter is being manipulated by their partner and concerned this is happening in your family:

1. Is your family member (son/daughter) becoming more distant?
2. When you do see them is their partner always by their side never leaving them alone?
3. If you manage to ask about how things are going or direct questions about the partner do they become defensive?
4. Does the partner claim to have no living family? i.e. no brothers or sisters.
5. Is the partner slowly becoming more and more dependant on your son/daughter?
6. Has your son/daughter’s partner recently asked them to make a (new/revised) will?
7. Do they claim to have a unique/overly interesting background? Something that makes them ’special’.
8. Have they recently changed their name?
9. Are they reluctant to talk too much about any personal background - preferring to focus on their professional ‘interesting’ background?
10. Are there any physical signs of self-harming (scarring, wearing of long-sleeved tops even in hot weather) on your son/daughter’s partner? Sadly these behaviours can all too often be linked to previous/ongoing mental health problems.

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